Monday, December 14, 2009

The Bathroom Sleeper From The Future

"Wendy" came with a great resume, said all the right things in the interview, seemed like a great fit. She wasn't.
She did, however, have knowledge of advanced technology. One day, she was having a computer problem. One of our other salespeople tried to help her and was standing just behind her chair. Whenever the person helping her said, "click here", Wendy would try and push that spot ON her monitor. With her finger. As if suddenly, her monitor had become a touch screen monitor. This did not bode well.

She also slept a lot. As in, she slept in the bathroom at the office. Sometimes, she would just dissapear off the sales floor for long periods of time. No one knew where she went. One day, she was gone longer than usual. We finally knocked on the ladies bathroom door. After a few knocks, we heard some stirring. Finally the door opened. Wendy stood rumpled at the door in a daze, looked at us and asked “What time is it”? Upon being told that it was not yet five, Wendy sighed and stumbled back to her desk. We cut her loose the following day.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Welcome to Dear Asshump,

Welcome to Dear Asshump, the blog dedicated to my (and your) hiring disasters.
So what’s an Asshump? That would be me, and here’s why: I am the WORST judge of employees EVER.
For instance, I hired a guy that we will call “Mark”. Mark had a couple of qualities that can be good or bad, depending on the person. He had a lot of sales experience (which is good, unless they have bad habits) and was a tad smug (good from a confidence standpoint but bad if it’s all ego).
As usual for me, this guy turned out to have the winning combination of bad habits AND an out of control ego. Thankfully, we figured it out after a few days and cut him loose. The next morning when I opened my email, this was waiting for me:
Dear Asshump,

Thanks for the great opportunity you gave me. Three days on the phone. Three f*****g days. I don’t know how you determine someones ability after 3 days, especially after that top-notch training I was given! Go screw yourself.
And the legend of the Asshump grows. So with this blog, I will share some more sad stories of hirings past and present. You can share yours too.
As for “Mark”, I should mention that in those three f*****G days, he managed to spend about 3/4 of his time reading, surfing online news and shopping for bikini wax.